All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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