Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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