In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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