I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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