Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
