If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
