she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
