I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
