my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
