I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
