He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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