She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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