Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
