I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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