Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
