Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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