did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
