I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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