She is in my trunk
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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