We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
