Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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