do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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