I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
