If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
