Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Randomize
