I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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