Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
