i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
