i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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