when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
