drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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