Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
