u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
