I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
