The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
