Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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