2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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