First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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