Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dicks are not precious.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
