I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
