how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
And then he peed in my hair
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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