Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
