we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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