Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize