guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
