Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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