Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
