i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Panties = found
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
