I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
