69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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