I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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