why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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