there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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