May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
