I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
