i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
